I want to make a zoo with you.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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