There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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