I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
