wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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