i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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