apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
