My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
