I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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