it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
