I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
