My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
