I'm really into asian looking animals
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
