So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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