here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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