I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
