i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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