we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
