I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just invented taco cereal.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
