ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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