I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
