You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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