how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
