did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I want you more than these girls want KFC
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
