There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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