sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
