Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
