can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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