After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
