Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
