I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
