The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
