So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
