We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Randomize
