hotel room ftw
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize