Sober January is a disaster.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
