Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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