think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
