Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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