I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Can I color on your dick again?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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