There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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