i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
