No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Oh god it's open bar.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
