the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
