Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize