My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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