it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
