Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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