i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
time to smoke my breakfast
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
