OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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