i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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