When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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