You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize