I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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