My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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