i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
