I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
