I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
