i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
