Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
