every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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