I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
