I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
