Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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