It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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