Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
