There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
