Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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