4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
actually, I'm a sock model
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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