All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
