I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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