Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
