I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
