Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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