Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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