trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
