matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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