if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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