Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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