Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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