She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
