hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize