My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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