I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
