you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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