dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize