im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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