peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
