he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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