i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
