you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
