so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
