I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
