i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
