you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Sorry about my life...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
