That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
