I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
