i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize