Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
bring money and cleavage
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
