Me too!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
