ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
