Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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