I was born with a shot glass in my hand
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
