I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
