So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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