A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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