Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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