At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
