We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
