I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you would pick up someone in the library
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize